Be a Mother to Him
At the time of preoccupation and illness, one needs to be nursed by others. A nurse can assist the recovery of an ill person tremendously through kindness and loving care. Men are small children who have grown up. They still need motherly care. When a man gets married to a woman, he expects her to be a mother to him at times of illness and difficulty.
Dear madam! if your husband becomes ill, take care of him more than usual. Express your sympathy and pretend that you are extremely upset with this sickness. Console him, prepare all his requirements and keep the children quiet in order to keep him relaxed. If he needs a doctor or medicine, then act accordingly .Cook the food which he likes, and which is good for him. Ask about his health frequently. Try to stay by his bedside, as much as possible. If he is in so much pain that he cannot sleep, stay up with him, as much as possible. Once you wake up, go to him. Ask how is he. If he had not slept that night, then express your sorrow. Keep his room silent in the daytime. Your care for him would help him recover faster. He would appreciate your efforts and would love you more. Besides he would do the same for you if you ever became ill.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The Jihad of a woman is to care for her husband well'."[73]
REFERENCES
[73] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 247,

Keep the Secrets
Women usually like to know about their husbands' secrets, their earnings, their decisions about the future, and their work. They expect men not to hide anything from them.
On the contrary men are not willing to tell their wives everything. As a result, some husbands and wives constantly argue over this matter .
Some women say that their husbands do not trust them; do not let them read their letters; do not tell them the amount of their earnings; are not straight with them; do not answer their questions properly; and sometimes lie.
Incidentally, men do not mind telling their secrets to their wives. But they believe that their wives do not keep secrets; that they relate to others everything they know, and might even cause trouble for their husbands.
If one intends to find out the secrets of others, it suffices for one to call on their wives. Some wives, by knowing their husbands' secrets, blackmail them, and thus misuse their husbands' trust in them.
Obviously men, up to a certain extent, have a point. Women, in comparison with men, are more under the influence of their emotions. When women become angry, it would be difficult for them to control themselves, and by knowing their husbands' secrets, they could put their men in trouble.
Therefore, if a woman is interested in knowing her husband's secrets, she must be very careful not to speak of them anywhere without his permission. She must not even tell her best friends or relatives. It is not keeping a secret if you tell someone about it, and ask him not to repeat it to anybody, otherwise everyone will find out about it.
Therefore a wise person is one who does not tell his secret to anyone.
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'The chest of a wise man is the safe for his secrets'."[74]
"Imam ' Ali (AS) also stated: 'The benevolence of this world and the next is in two things: keeping secrets, and friendship with the good people; and all the evils are in two things: revealing secrets, and keeping bad company'."[75]
REFERENCES
[74] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 75, p 71.
[75] Ibid, vol 74, p 178.

Accept His Management
Every institution, factory, and organization needs a responsible manager. In any sociological unit and organization, cooperation between the staff is important. However, running the affairs of such a unit needs a manager who can coordinate the duties.
One of the very important social units is the 'family'. Running the affairs of this unit is very vital and difficult.
Undoubtedly, there must be a deep understanding, and cooperation among the members of a family, but there must also be a manager who can act responsibly with regard to the family matters. Needless to say, if a family does not enjoy a person who can organize others it would suffer from disorder and chaos. Thus, either the husband must act as the director and the wife follows, or vice versa.
However, since the logical aspect of men is dominant over their emotional aspect, they can be better managers.
The Almighty Allah states in the Holy Qur'an:
"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their money; the good women are therefore obedient... (4:34)."
Thus it is in the interest of the members of a family to regard the man as their guardian and the one in charge, and to seek his supervision in their deeds.
However, one should not conclude that the status of a woman in the house is belittled, but it is a fact that maintaining the order and discipline in the house requires the management of the husband. Women who can think without being biased, would confirm this act.
"A woman said: 'We had a good tradition in Iran which has unfortunately faded away gradually. In this tradition the man used to be in charge of the family affairs. He used to be the boss. Nowadays, however, the situation is changed, and families cannot make their minds up as to who should be in charge. I believe that the woman of today, who more or less have the same social status as men, should accept her husband as the chief of the house... This old tradition has to be recommended to today's young woman, who intends to marry. She should enter her husband's house wearing a wedding dress and come out of it wearing a shroud'."[76]
It is true that the everyday preoccupations of life do not allow man to participate in all the family affairs and that in practice the wife runs the house according to her desires, but nevertheless, the right of directorship remains with the man, and as such he should be respected.
Therefore, should a man express his opinion about any point in the household matters or suggest any thing, the wife should not oppose him or deny him his right of directorship in any way. Otherwise, the man would regard himself as powerless and look upon his wife as an impolite and ungrateful woman. He might hold a grudge against her and, at a later stage, even resist his wife's lawful wishes.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: ' A good man would pay heed to her husband's wishes and would act according to his desires'."[77]
"A woman asked the Prophet (SA) of Allah: 'What is the duty of a woman with regard to her husband?' The Prophet (SA) stated: 'She must obey him and must not violate his orders'."[78]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The worst of women is one who is stubborn and obstinate'."[79]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The worst of women is one who is barren, dirty, obstinate and disobedient'."[80]
Dear madam! accept the authority of your husband. Seek his supervision in your household affairs. Do not violate his orders. Do not resist or oppose his participation in the household and family matters. Do not reject his participation even in those matters that you have more expertise. Do not practically make him powerless. Let him participate in your work occasionally. Teach your children to respect his authority, and ask them to get permission from their father in their affairs. Your children must learn not to violate his orders from an early age. This way your children will be brought up as obedient to their parents.
REFERENCES
[76] Ittela’at, 17th Murdad, 1351 Solar Hijri.
[77] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 235.
[78] Ibid, p 248.
[79] Mustadrak, vol 2, p 532:
[80] Shafi, vol 2, p 129.

Be Resourceful when Times are Hard
Life is full of ups and downs. The wheels of fortune do not always rotate according to our desires. One goes through many difficult times. Everyone becomes ill. Many lose their jobs, and some may lose all their wealth. Many unpleasant incidents happen in the lives of everyone.
A man and a woman, who have sworn allegiance to each others and signed a covenant of marriage, should walk along the path of life hand in hand. The covenant should be so firm that it could hold them together in sickness and in health, in richer and poorer, and in good as well as bad times.
Dear madam! if your husband becomes poor, must you add to his problems by having disagreeable behaviour. If he becomes ill, and bed-ridden, either at home or in the hospital, it is fair for you to increase you r kindness towards him. You must nurse him, attend to his needs, and spend money for him. If you have money of you r own you must pay for his treatment. Remember if you were ill, he would have paid for your health. Must you withhold your wealth in preference to you r husband's health? If you fail to satisfy him at sensitive times like this, then he will be disappointed with you, and may even prefer to divorce you.
Here is a case to read about:
"A person came to the court to divorce his wife. He said: 'I became ill a few days ago and my doctor told me that had to have an operation. I asked my wife to lend me the money that she had saved. She disagreed and left my house. As a result, I had my operation in a state hospital. Now that I have my health back I am not prepared to live with a woman who prefers her money to her husband. How can one call this woman a 'wife'?"[81]
Every conscientious person would acknowledge that, in the above-mentioned case, it was the man who was right. Such a woman who is not prepared to spend her money for the treatment of her husband, does not deserve the respected position of 'wifehood'.
Dear madam! be careful not to act mercilessly at a time when your husband suffers from a permanent illness; must you leave him and your children? How can you desert a man with whom you have had many joyful days and nights? How do you know that a similar fate is not awaiting you? How can you be sure that another man will be any better? Do not be stubborn and selfish. Be sacrificial and devote yourself or the sake of Allah as well as your honour and children. Be patient and teach your children a lesson of devotion, love, and patience. You can be sure that, in this world and the next, you will be rewarded handsomely. Your devotion is the best way of showing your care for your husband which is placed at the same level as Jihad.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: ' Jihad of a woman is in taking care of her husband'."[82]
REFERENCES
[81] Ittela’at, 25th Azar, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[82] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103. p 247.

Do not Refuse to Talk and do not Sulk
It is customary with some women that, when upset with their husbands, they sulk, refuse to talk, do not attend to household work, do not eat, hit the children, or grumble. They believe that, not speaking, or quarrelling are the best possible ways of revenging their husbands. This attitude, not only fails to punish the man, but may result in his retaliation. Life then becomes difficult turning into a series of quarrels. The woman moans, then the man does. The woman refuses to talk and the man retaliates. The woman does something else, and the man does the same until they become tired and, through the mediation of relatives or friends, reconcile. But this is not the only time they had a row. There will be other occasions and there will be a few more days of bitterness.
Therefore, spending a lifetime of family rows will not be pleasant for either the parents or the children. Most of the runaway youth come from these kinds of families who then turn to crime and corruption.
"A youth who was arrested on charges of theft, blamed his parents for his crime and said: 'My parents used to argue everyday after which they used to go to their relatives and I used to go into the streets and wander about. I was then deceived by others and later committed theft'."[83]
"A ten-year old girl told the social workers: 'I remember vaguely that one night my parents argued over something. The following day, my mother left and a few days later, my father took me to my aunt. After a while an old woman took me from my aunt's house and brought me to Tehran. It is a few years now, that I have been living with her and I suffered so much that I do not want to go back to her'."
"The teacher of a girl said: 'She is one of my students. She has not been performing well in her studies and looks to be suffering from something. She is always thinking. She has even been sitting in the courtyard of the school unprepared to go back home.' Two days ago I asked her: 'Why she was not going home?' She replied that she was living with an old woman who was nasty to her, and that she did not want her to returned home. I asked about her parents and she said they were separated'." [84]
Dear madam! you should remember that if your husband reacts harshly towards you for not speaking with him, then he might even resort to severe measures such as hitting you. You would probably leave you r house to go to your parents' as the result of his harsh reaction. Next your parents would interfere and the row s between your husband and you would widen. You might end up getting a divorce in which case you would lose more than your husband. You might have to live on your own for the rest of your life. You will certainly regret a divorce.
"A woman said: 'I got married some time ago. I did not know much about caring for my husband and he did not know much about looking after me. We used to have row everyday. One week I wasn't talking and the week after he was refusing to speak to me. Only on Fridays, through the mediation of friends and relatives, we used to be on good terms. Gradually, my husband became disappointed with me and thought of divorcing me and remarrying. Since I was young I was not prepared to change and did not object to a divorce. We got divorced and I rented a flat. Soon I realized the dangers. Most of the people whom I met, were out to deceive me. I decided to reconcile with my former husband and called at his house. There I met a lady who introduced herself as his wife. I cried all the way back to my house. I regretted my divorce, but it was too late'."[85]
"A twenty-two year old woman who, after getting divorced, had taken her child to her parents, tried to commit suicide on the night of her sister's wedding'."[86]
Dear madam! you should seriously avoid sulking and not talking to your husband. If you are upset with him, be patient. Once you are calm and collected, talk .to him gently about your annoyance with him. You can tell him, for instance, "You insulted me yesterday, or you rejected my demand... Is it fair that you should treat me in this way?"
Such an approach, not only relaxes you within, but also would admonish him. He would then try to make up for his wrongdoing, and would respect you for you r good manners. As a result, he would review his behaviour, and would try to discipline himself.
The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated:
"At a time when two Muslims refuse to talk to each other and do not reconcile within three days, both will be out of Islam, and there will not remain any friendship between them. Then anyone of them who takes the initiative to reconcile with the other, would enter Paradise faster (than the other) on the Day of Judgment'."[87]
REFERENCES
[83] Ittela’at, 4th Azar, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[84] Ibid, 28th Mehr, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[85] Ibid, 8th Azar, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[86] Ibid, 17th Esfand, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[87] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 75, p 186.

Remain Silent when he is Angry
A man meets many people while at work and he comes across many problems. Once he returns home from work, he is tired and upon confronting the smallest unpleasant incident becomes angry and may insult his family.
A wise lady would remain silent towards her husband's ranting and insults. The man would then calm down and would regret his insults. If he sees that there is not any reaction to his anger, he would even apologize. With this approach the family gets back to a normal situation after only an hour or two.
However, if the woman of the house did not understand her husband's sensitive position, then she would shout, swear, curse, and react sharply.
With this approach, the husband and wife might end up fighting and eventually resort to a divorce. Many families are broken up as the result of such little incidents. There are even cases where men become so angry that they erupt like a volcano and commit murder .
"A man shot himself, his wife and step-mother to death. The couple were believed to have had many rows and arguments right from the start of their marriage. On the night of the incident the husband had returned home from work when the couple started yet another argument. The husband hit his wife, and she decided to go to the police. Suddenly, the man took his gun, killed his wife, his step-mother, and then ended his own life with a bullet'."[88]
Would it not have been better for the woman to have remained silent at the husband's anger? Would three lives have been ended if the woman had been patient and had not reacted? Which one would you prefer? A few moments of silence or all the grave consequences of getting back at your husband? Do not imagine for a second that the position of the man is being defended here and that he is not guilty. Not at all. Of course he is guilty. He should not vent his anger out on his family. In the next chapter, this point will be discussed in more detail but here we are saying that a woman should be wise and not react towards her husband's anger, be it right or not. In this situation, the man may not be able to control himself, so it is important that the wife, in order to save her family, remains silent.
Women usually think that remaining silent, when coming face to face with their husband's anger, would belittle them, and that they would lose their respect. However, the situation is quite the reverse. A man who sees no reaction when insulting his wife. would certainly become remorseful. He would regard his wife as a loving woman, who despite her ability to retaliate, preferred to forgive him. His love for his wife would increase many fold. He would apologize and thus his wife would earn more respect.
The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: ' Any woman who tolerates her husband's bad temper, will be rewarded by Allah in the same way that He rewarded Asiyah*, daughter of Muzahim, "[89].
'The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The best of your women is one who, upon seeing her husband's anger, tells him: 'I submit to your will. Sleep will not pass over my eyes unless you become content with me'."[90]
'The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Forgiveness and tolerance would increase the honour and respect of their owners. Be forgiving so that Allah will cherish you'."[91]
REFERENCES
[88] Ittela’at, 17th Tir, 1349 Solar Hijri.
[89] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 247.
[90] Ibid, p 239.
[91] Ibid, vol 71, p 419.

Men's Hobbies
Some men like to have certain hobbies at home. They are interested in, say, collecting stamps or books, gardening or photography in their spare time at home.
Such hobbies are classified as the best and healthiest pastime activities. They are very useful in that they attract men towards their homes as well as causing their relaxation. One can become depressed and frustrated from being idle. It is a fact that one of the ways of treating people with mental disorders is to keep them busy with certain jobs. Those of us who work more than others are generally less affected by mental disorders, and are less attracted towards dangerous occupation.
Therefore, woman should respect the healthy hobbies of their husbands and should not regard their pastime activities as foolish, cheap, and useless. Women must encourage their men in these activities and cooperate with them if necessary.
Housekeeping
A house, although a little place, is a precious blessing. It is a shelter for the man who takes refuge in it after the work. It is a place for seeking comfort in even after being on a holiday, one finds rest in one's home. No where is like home and nowhere can one find peace as one would in one's home. It is a place of friendship, love, sincerity, comfort, rest, and a place where men and women of good virtue are educated and trained. It is a workshop to train mankind and a place to educate and bring up children. It is a little society from which greater societies are formed.
It is responsible for the advancement as well as the decline of the larger society. The small family environment. although a part of a greater society, enjoys an internal independence, and that is why correcting a nation must start by improving the family. The responsibilities of education, training, and running of this sensitive social base lies with the women. Therefore women, through their deeds and behaviour towards their family, can determine the deterioration or progress of a nation. Thus, the job of a housewife is sensitive, respectable and revered.
Those who underestimate the family unit and are ashamed with this job, are in fact ignorant of its values.
A housewife should be proud of her position. She is holding a position of honour and sacrifice for the good of society.
The educated women have a greater responsibility in this job, and thus should be models to others. They should practically prove that being educated does not contradict the position of being a housewife, but that it also helps in being a better housewife.
The educated woman should manage the family life in the best possible manner. She should be proud of housekeeping and should prove that an educated housewife is much better than an uneducated one.
It is not proper for her to abandon housework on the pretext of being educated. Education is not meant to shirk one's responsibilities, but it should help one perform his responsibilities better.
"A man, married to a high-school passed girl, said in the court: 'My wife refuses to do any housework. Every time I protested she said that housekeeping was not meant for an educated woman. She is not prepared to change and even asks me to divorce her, and marry a maid instead! Two nights ago I invited my wife's relatives and friends for dinner. At dinner time I spread the table cloth and placed my wife's framed certificate of high school in the middle. I then told everyone to observe the dinner that my wife prepares for me every night'."[92]
Now let us read the opinion of a few educated women about being a housewife:
"Mrs F N Shamirani, a graduate, said: 'A housewife should be an expert in dealing with the household affairs, a good companion for her husband, a good mother to her children and a good hostess to the guests'."
"Dr Mrs Fasihi, pediatrician, said: 'I believe that a genuine housewife is one who is not engaged in office work, because office jobs in our country lack the necessary facilities regarding nutritional needs and nurseries. A woman in an office is always worried about her children or her husband's food'."
"Mrs S. Yakita, Technical Superintendent of the Faculty of Medicine, said: 'A housewife should be able to create a clean and attractive house with the least possible budget. She should share the happy and sad time with her husband. She must not ignore her husband's mental and social status'."
"Mrs I. Naimi said: ' A housewife is one who minimizes her unnecessary recreations and who would try to improve the affairs of the house. She must also be able to regulate the income with spending'."[93]
REFERENCES
[92] Ittela’at, 3rd Azar, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[93] Ittela’at, 28th Farwardin, 1351 Solar Hijri.

Cleanliness
One of the important duties of a housewife is maintaining cleanliness in the house. Cleanliness is the key to hygiene and health. It prevents many illnesses and attracts the family members to the house. It is a source of respect for the family.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The religion of Islam is based upon cleanliness'."[94]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'Islam is immaculate, so you should make efforts for cleanliness because only the clean ones would enter Paradise'."[95]
Always keep your house clean and tidy. Dust it off once a day and remove all stains and dirt from the walls, doors, windows, furniture, and other items. Keep the garbage in a covered dustbin, keep it away from the other rooms, and kitchen. Empty the dustbin regularly. Do not keep the garbage in front of your house. Do not let your children urinate in the garden or the yard, and if they did, wash the place immediately. Dirt is a center for dangerous microbes. Do not pile up dirty dishes. Wash them as soon as possible. Do not forget that deadly germs grow on dirt and can become fatal to you and your family. Wash the dishes with clean water, and afterwards keep them in a clean place. Remove all dirty clothes, especially babies' nappies, from the vicinity of all rooms and kitchen and wash them as soon as possible.
Keep all the family clothes, especially the underwears, clean and tidy. Wash the meat, vegetables and all your food ingredients before cooking. Wash all fruits before eating them because some fruits are sprayed with poisonous substances.
Wash your hands before eating and teach your children to do the same. After food, one should wash one's hands and mouth. If possible one should brush one's teeth after every meal. Brushing one's teeth is essential, at least, once a day, preferably before sleeping at night.
Cut your nails once a week. Long nails are not hygienic, because germs can live under long nails.
Take a bath, at least, once a week, or if possible every other day.
One must remove all hair from under one's armpit as well as other places by shaving or other means. Hidden hair on the body is a suitable place for the growing germs. Do not leave food exposed to flies, because flies are carriers of many dangerous microbes.
The holy religion of Islam strongly recommends people to observe cleanliness.
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: â€کAlmighty Allah likes adornment, being beautiful, and finds the pretention of being poor as distasteful. He likes to see the effects of his blessings upon his worshipper, that is to see him clean, tidy and using scent, to decorate his house, to dust off his house environment, to turn the lights on before sunset –because this deed takes away the poverty from home and increases sustenance.’"[96]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: ' A dirty person is a bad servant (to Allah)'."[97]
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Keep your house clean of spider's webs, because a spider's web is a cause of poverty'."[98]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Do not leave the rubbish inside the house at night, because Shaytan (Satan), i.e. pollution and uncleanliness takes its abode there'."[99]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'One's clothes must always be clean'."[100]
"In addition, the Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Do not leave an oily cloth in the house, because Satan takes its abode there',"[101]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Washing dishes and cleaning around the house increases the sustenance',"[102]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) also stated: 'Do not leave the dishes without a cover, otherwise satan spits at them and uses them',"[103]
"In addition, Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Fruits are sprayed with poisonous substances, so wash them before eating',"[104]
"Imam Kazim (AS) stated: 'Taking a bath every other day would fatten one',"[105]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Do not leave the rubbish behind the front door of the house because Satan takes its abode there',"[106]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'If it had not been something inconvenient for my followers, I would have ordered them to brush their teeth with every wudu (ablution) for prayer (i.e., five times a day)',"[107]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Cutting one's nails on Fridays would prevent one from being affected by leprosy, insanity, alopeica and blindness',"[108]
"It has been related that: 'Satan takes his sleep underneath the (long) nails',"[109]
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Washing one's hands, before having meals, would prolong life, prevent one's clothes from becoming dirty and would enlighten one's eyes',"[110]
REFERENCES
[94] Mahajjat al-Bayda, vol 1, p 166.
[95] Majma’ al–Zawaid, vol 5, p 132.
[96] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 79, p 300.
[97] Shafi, vol 1, p 208.
[98] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 76, p 175.
[99] Ibid.
[100] Shafi, vol p 208.
[101] Ibid, p 215.
[102] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 76, p 176.
[103] Ibid.
[104] Shafi, vol 2, p 124.
[105] Ibid, vol 1, p 209.
[106] Ibid, p 210.
[107] Ibid, p 211.
[108] Ibid.
[109] Ibid.
[110] Ibid, vol 2, p 123.

A Tidy House
A tidy house is preferred to an untidy one in many ways.
Firstly, the tidiness helps the house look clean, attractive and beautiful, An arranged house, does not bore one, but would be a source of joy and happiness.
Secondly, the job of house-keeping would be easier in a well-ordered house, and the housewife, by knowing the exact location of the household contents, would not waste time to look for them. As a result the woman would not become tired with her job.
Thirdly, it attracts the man to his house and his wife. A well-ordered house is representative of the woman 's quality.
Fourthly, a tidy house is a source of pride for the whole family. Whoever visits it, appreciates it, and admire the woman's talent and good taste.
Having many luxurious items would not beautify a house, but the manner in which the household contents are arranged, would make it attractive. You must have seen wealthy people whose house, despite containing many luxurious items, is boring, and there are poor people whose houses, because of being orderly, are enjoyable to look at.
Therefore, arranging a house is one of the duties of housewives. Talented ladies with good taste know how to put their houses in order, but mentioning a few points here may prove useful.
Classifying your dishes: Do not pile them all on top of each other. Leave all the cutlery in one place and place the dishes somewhere else. Put all the dishes for guests separate from the dishes you use everyday. Do the same for every thing else. Every thing must be put in its proper place so that all the family members are able to find them, even in the dark.
Some ladies may believe that such a program suits the rich and the wealthy .But this is not correct, even poor people should arrange their belongings, including their dishes, beds, and clothes. For instance, the wife should keep her own clothes separate from her husband's and her children's. The winter clothes must be separate from summer ones. Dirty clothes must have their own place. The ornaments must be put in their proper locations. Teach your children to be tidy with their clothes, books, toys, etc. You can be certain that by being tidy, your children would learn and would follow you.
Untidy women blame their children for the house being in a state of mess, whereas it is the children who learn from their parents. If the parents are tidy, then the children would learn and children, by nature, are willing to be disciplined.
Keep all your money, important papers, documents, jewelry and certificates in a safe or a place out of the reach of children. It is not correct to punish a child for touching, destroying or losing any of the precious items that you have left within their reach. The parents are the guilty ones and they should know better.
"A man left some money with his wife and asked her to leave it in a safe place..., and then put it on the mantle piece and left the house. After a short while the man returned home and did not find the money he had left. He looked around the house anxiously, and saw his five-year old boy burning something in the garden. The mother of the boy angrily went up to him, lifted him up, and then threw him on the ground so hard that it killed the boy outright. She was quite scared while looking at her son's corpse when the man came out into the garden. He started hitting her, and then decided to go to the police. He got on his motorcycle, but on the way to the police station, he had an accident. He is now in the Intensive Care Unit'."[111]
Who do you think, is guilty party in this incident? You can judge for yourself. Perhaps your know of a similar occurrence.
Medicines, paraffin, petrol, and poisonous substances should always be kept out of the reach of children. Children drink and eat anything which looks like water and food. Do not endanger their lives by being careless. There are many children who die as the result of their parents' carelessness.
"Two children, a brother and a sister, aged 6 and 4 years drank a solution of DDT. The four-year old girl died, and her brother survived. The children were on their own in their house. They drank the solution in order to quench their thirst. 'Their mother said in the hospital that the solution was made to kill the mice in her house. ' "[112]
"Two children drank kerosene, mistakenly thinking that it was water."
"Another child swallowed ten of her mother's tablets."
"All these children were taken to hospital for treatment."[113]
Finally, you are reminded that discipline is only useful up to a certain extent in that it should not deprive you from comfort. You should not be obsessed with tidiness, because obsession itself can cause problems:
"A man said: 'I am fed up with my wife's obsession with cleanliness and tidiness. Everyday when I return home at 4-30 pm, my wife makes me wash my hands and feet a few times. She wants me to put my clothes in their proper place. She doesn't even let me smoke in all the rooms. I have always lived freely, but during the four years of my marriage, I have been living in a prison. Why should one care for cleanliness and tidiness so much. This is an obsession and I hate obsession'."[114]
A moderate behaviour is the best in all aspects of one's life. One should not be so chaotic that it becomes impossible to live a normal life, and also one should not overindulge in cleanliness to the extent that it becomes an obsession.
REFERENCES
[111] Ittela’at, 23rd Bahman, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[112] Ibid, 26th Tir, 1351 Solar Hijri.
[113] Ibid,11th Esfand, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[114] Ibid, 3rd Bahman, 1350 Solar Hijri.

Preparing Food
Another very important responsibility of a housewife is preparing food for her family. A good housewife is also a good cook who can prepare delicious food with little money, while a bad housewife cooks bad food with expensive ingredients. Delicious food is a means of attracting her husband towards her. A man whose wife cooks well, does not particularly enjoy eating out.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The best of your women is one who perfumes herself, prepares food skillfully and would not overindulge in spending. Such a woman is one of the workforce of Allah and a person who works for Allah would never have to face either regret or defeat'."[115]
It is not possible for me to write down recipes, but there are many good books on the subject which can be obtained and used to cook delicious foods.
But just a few points to remember:
The purpose of eating is not to fill one's stomach but that it also supplies the body with all the nourishment it needs to continue its function. The necessary nourishment for the body is contained in meat, fruits, vegetables and cereals and can be classified into six groups:
(a) Water,
(b) Minerals, such as calcium, phosphorus, iron, copper, etc,
(c) Starchy substances (carbohydrates),
(d) Fats,
(e) Proteins, and
(f) Vitamins like, A, B, C, D, K.
The majority of one's weight is water. Water dissolves the solid food in order to prepare it for absorption by the intestines. Water also regulates the body's temperature.
The minerals are necessary for the growth of bones, teeth, and the regulation of muscle functions.
Carbohydrates create energy and heat.
Protein helps in the replacing of old or dead cells causing the growth of the body.
Vitamins are also important for the growth, strengthening the bones, regulating the chemical reactions in the body, and are vital in maintaining a healthy nervous system.
Each of the above substances is vital for the body. Malnutrition causes many illnesses and can be fatal. The quality of the food is important and has a proportional relationship with one's life span, happiness or sadness, beauty or ugliness and healthy nerves or mental disorders.
We are what we eat. If one monitors his food and cares for his eating habits, he would become ill less frequently. It is not wise to eat just delicious food without pondering over its quality. Once one's health is impaired as a result of bad food, one would have to seek medical treatment by a doctor, but unfortunately the human body would never be restored to its original health.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The stomach is the centre of all illnesses'."[116]
Since the choice of food is with the women, therefore, they are very much responsible for the family health. The smallest carelessness on her part, would expose the health of all the family members to many illnesses.
Therefore a housewife, besides being a good cook, should be able to identify the quality of the food.
Firstly: She should make a food which has all the nourishment necessary for a human body to function properly.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The duty of a woman towards her husband is to turn the lights on in the house and to prepare good and suitable food'."[117]
"A woman asked the Prophet (SA) of Allah: 'What good (reward) is awaiting a woman who performs her duties in her husband's house?' The Prophet (SA) stated: 'For every activity that she does concerning the household matters, Allah looks on her kindly, and whoever enjoys the grace of Allah would not be tormented'."[118]
Secondly: The dietary needs of people are not the same. Age, size of the body and other possible factors determine the level of our nutritional requirements. For instance, a child, who is growing, need more calcium in comparison with a middle-aged person. The youth need more energy providing food because they have more activities.
One's job is also a factor in determining the type of food one should eat. For instance, a worker needs more fatty, sugary, and starchy food, because he is very active. . The weather is another factor. Our nutritional requirements differ from each other in the seasons of summer, and winter. Also an ill person would eat differently from a healthy one. A good cook should remember all these points.
Thirdly: It is a fact that when one reaches the age of forty and over, he is likely to get fat. Perhaps some people regard obesity as the sign of health, but they are mistaken. Obesity is an illness which could have very bad effects on the heart, blood pressure, kidneys, gall-bladder, liver, and may cause angina and diabetes.
Statistics coming from medical sources and insurance companies suggest firstly that thin people live longer than fat ones.
Beyond the age of forty, one becomes less active and thus needs less fat, sugar, and starch. The calories are not turned into energy as much as before and therefore contribute towards the fattening of the body. It is therefore better to reduce your consumption of these substances.
A woman who cares for her husband's health should put him on a special diet to stop him from getting fat. He should eat less sweets, fat, and cream, but more eggs, liver, poultry, red meat, fish and cheese. Dairy products are also useful. If permitted by the doctor, the overweight person should consume plenty of fruit, and vegetables.
If you are fed up with your husband, if you prefer to be a widow, or if you want to murder your husband without the risks of being prosecuted by the police -then you will not have to do much. Just put plenty of delicious and fattening foods before him. Encourage him to eat as much bread, rice and cakes as possible. Consequently you will get rid of him and not only will you become a widow but he would also thank you for feeding him with all these delicious foods.
You may suggest that such a program is possible for the wealthy people who can afford to buy any type of food they wish. You may think it impossible for those who are not so well off.
But one should not forget that all the nutritional values are hidden in the simple and natural foods. A woman who has learned about cooking would tell you that one could get all the nutritional requirements for the body from simple foodstuff such as fruits, cereals. vegetables. and dairy products. One can cook a meal with these ingredients which is both hygienic, healthy, and cheap.
REFERENCES
[115] Wasa’il al-Shiah, vol 14, p 15.
[116] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 62, p 290.
[117] Mustadrak, vol 2, p 551.
[118] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 251.

Receiving Guests
One of the inevitable tasks of every family is to entertain guests at one time or another. This is an enjoyable tradition as a result of which friendships become closer and people can forget their problems temporarily. Keeping company with friends and relatives is one of the healthiest pastimes.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The sustenance of a guest is descended from the heavens. and upon eating it, the sins of the host are forgiven'."[119]
"Imam Reza (AS) stated: ' A generous person eats the food offered to him by others so that they eat his. But a miser would not eat the offered food by others lest they eat his'." [120]
"The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: 'Associating with friends causes kindness (amongst them)'â€‌. [121]
"Imam Muhammad Taqi (AS) stated: ' Associating with friends matures one's mind and enlivens one's heart, be it even only slightly'."[122]
In the turbulent sea of life, one's soul needs tranquility, and this peace of mind can be found when keeping company with one's friends.
People would forget their problems while present in a friendly gathering. Not only can friendships become stronger, but it would serve to boost one's morale.
Entertaining guests is a good custom and rarely one would deny its merits, but there are two difficulties with it that make some families reluctant to take part in this age-old tradition.
First: Luxury goods and vying with one another has made life difficult for many of us. Household goods which are meant to serve our comfort have turned into a means of showing off and ostentation. Thus people are tending to associate less frequently with each other. Although many who are willing to socialize, refuse to do so, because they have the wrong idea that they do not possess many luxurious items in their homes that it would be better to keep away from others and save themselves the embarrassment. This reflection destroys one's situation in the life after death as well as placing him in a difficult situation in this world.
Dear madam! do your friends come to your house in order to watch your luxury goods? If so, advise them to go to the stores and museums instead of coming to visit you. Associating with others is meant to increase one's friendship with them as well as having a pleasant time. It is not meant for showing off or filling one's stomach. Everyone is annoyed with 'luxurism' and rivalry of this kind. But they dare not dispose of this mistaken tradition.
If you were prepared to entertain your guests in a simple manner, you would see that they would follow you. This way you can associate with your friends simply and without going to too much trouble. Thus, the solution to this problem is easy .Instead of trying to match your belongings to those of others', you should concentrate on strengthening the bonds of friendship with them through kindness.
Second: Another difficulty is about the hosting of one's guests. A housewife goes through the trouble of making food for a few guests over a period of a few hours. Sometimes a woman cannot prepare a delicious meal, after which the husband may become upset. Her husband may also show his displeasure towards her cooking. Therefore, some parties are accompanied with the anxiety of the host couple as a result of which people tend to avoid having a party.
Of course it is true that holding a party is not easy, but the main difficulty arises when the housewife does not have sufficient knowledge about how to look after her guests.
Hosting one's guests becomes easy if one is prepared to learn the necessary skills. Here two case studies are presented. You may follow whichever you prefer while entertaining your guests:
Case(a): The man informs his wife that on Friday night, ten of his friends are coming for dinner His wife who has had bitter experience with previous parties, suddenly becomes enraged and protests to her husband. After a detailed discussion and the husband's pleading, the reluctant wife agrees to arrange the dinner for his guests. They spend their days and nights in a certain air of restlessness, and excitement until Friday.
On Friday morning one of them goes for shopping. He remembers the necessary items to buy and after purchasing a few items, returns home.
The housewife starts her job after lunch. She suddenly confronts many problems. She has to do the cooking, washing, sweeping, dusting, arranging the guestroom, and so on. Also, she has to do all this and more on her own or at the most with only one person helping her. She begins to work with a great deal of worry. She looks for the knife to cut the onions, searches the house for salt, etc. She realizes that there is not any tomato in the house, so she sends somebody to buy it. She must then fry the chickens, cut the meat, soak the rice in water, clean the vegetables,... etc.
She becomes touchy and nervous, and then shouts at the servant, curses her daughter, hits her son and then runs out of gas or kerosene. "Oh God! what shall I do?", she screams.
All of a sudden the door bell rings. The guests have arrived! They come in one after another. The poor husband who is aware of wife's anxiety, welcomes the guests into the house and leads them to the sitting room. He then intends to serve them with tea, but he finds out that tea is not ready. He shouts at his daughter or son for not putting the kettle on the samovar. Once the tea is made, he finds out that they do not have enough sugar. After having to buy some more sugar, he takes a few cups of tea to the guests. He looks at them but his mind is in the kitchen. He knows what is going on in that quarter. He cannot sit comfortably or talk to the guests peacefully. He is worried about the dinner. It is even worse if there are women among the guests in which case they keep asking where the woman of the house is. The man must answer that his wife is busy cooking and she will be with them soon.
The wife, occasionally goes to the guests but cannot stay and sit with them. She, while apologizing to them once again returns to her kitchen. It is not possible for her to prepare a really delicious meal under these conditions.
Once the meal is ready, she has to look for the dishes, make a drink, get the glasses, fill the salt and pepper shakers, etc.
The guests after eating their meal finally say 'good-bye' to their hosts and leave.
Conclusion: The meal was either too salty or salt less, burnt or less- cooked. Also some of the items may have been forgotten by the hostess, and therefore not placed before her guests.
It is now midnight and the wife is exhausted. She has not had a moment of rest since noon. Also she was unable to attend to the guests properly.
The husband has gone through a great deal of worry. He has spent a lot of money for the party, but the evening was not enjoyable and he may even blame his wife.
The couple, not only have not enjoyed the party, but may also have an argument over it, and may even decide not to hold any more parties.
The guests did not enjoy the party either, because they felt that they had caused a lot of trouble for their hosts and they probably wished that they had not come at all.
Undoubtedly, the readers would not enjoy such a situation and would not be prepared or willing to have this kind of experience.
Do you know what the source of this problem is? Well, the only real cause is the lack of experience and know-how of the housewife about how to entertain her guests. Otherwise, holding a party is not such a difficult task.
Now the second option:
Case (b): The man informs his wife that ten of their friends will be coming for dinner on Friday night. The wife responds by saying "Very well, what should we prepare for dinner that night?" The couple decides on this matter together and then writes down all the necessary items needed for the party. They recheck their needs again and by crossing out those items that they already have in their house, re-write the items that they would have to purchase. Then in good time they do their shopping.
On Thursday, a day before the party, they finish some of the work such as cutting onions, washing the potatoes, filling the salt and pepper shakers, preparing the table wares and so on.
The following morning, the woman of the house after eating breakfast, carries out some of her tasks like washing, cutting and frying the meat, chicken, and potatoes. After lunch she can take a rest after which she can finish the remainder of her work.
So she can finish all her cooking, tidying up and arranging the house without any rush or worries. There would be no need for arguments or any cause for confusion. She would have enough time to get herself ready and prepare a cup of tea when their guests arrive. She can then welcome the guests alongside her husband and sit and talk to them. She would just need to go to the kitchen to make sure everything was going smoothly.
She can ask her husband and the children to help her in setting the food in front of the guests. Therefore, everyone would be able to comfortably enjoy their delicious meal.
Conclusion: The guests have enjoyed the company of their hosts. They have talked and their friendship had become stronger. They have enjoyed the meal and have admired the housewife for her ability to entertain them. Finally, they have enjoyed an evening which they would remember for a long time to come.
The husband has been able to associate with the guests. He has had a good time with his friends and is happy with his wife for not letting him down. They become encouraged to invite their friends over and over again.
Finally, the woman who, through patience and know- how, has been able to entertain the guests normally and without any problem, is satisfied with herself. She feels happy with her husband and has proved herself to be a good hostess.
Now you can choose to follow either of the two examples.
REFERENCES
[119] Wasa’il al-Shi'ah, vol 16, p 557.
[120] Ibid, p 520.
[121] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 74, p 355.
[122] Ibid, p 353.

The Trustee of the House
Men are usually the supporters of the family. They work hard and spend their earnings on their wives and children. They regard this as their duty and do not ever show their displeasure in their hardship.
But men also expect their wives to economize and not to spend their money extravagantly. The women are expected to classify the necessities and spend on the priorities such as food, clothes, medicine, rent, electricity, telephone, gas and water bills. Placing such items as luxury goods on the list of one's priorities is regarded as squandering and wasteful. Men do not like their wives to misuse their money in buying unnecessary goods or lavishly spending.
If a man finds his wife trustworthy of caring for his money, if he is sure that his wife does not spend lavishly and if he is certain that his hard earned money is not wasted away he would then work harder and would not waste his money.
On the other hand, if the woman spends the money on her clothes and adornment, or if she spends on unnecessary items and they would have to borrow in order to live, or if the family, like an infidel enemy, plunders his wealth, then the man will become disheartened. He would lose interest in working and supporting his family. He would think it illogical to work and support the people who do not appreciate his efforts. He may even go astray and follow a corrupt path. It might shatter the foundations of the family.
Dear madam! although your husband's money and wealth is at your disposal, do not regard it as your own. The wealth is lawfully his and you are the trusted one. Therefore, taking any item into your possession, giving anything away, presenting or selling any of his belongings needs his permission. You are responsible for his wealth and as such you must protect it. If you shirk your responsibility, you would be questioned in the world Hereafter .
"The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: 'A woman is the protector and trustee of her husband's wealth and as such is responsible'."[123]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The best of your women is one who perfumes herself, prepares delicious food and would not overindulge in spending. Such a woman is a representative of and one of the workforce of Allah, and a person who works for Allah would never be faced with regret or defeat'."[124]
"A woman asked the Prophet (SA) of Allah: 'What are the rights of a husband over his wife?' The Prophet (SA) stated: 'She must be obedient towards him, must not violate his orders and should not give away anything without his permission'."[125]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The best of your women is one who spends less'."[126]
REFERENCES
[123] Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550
[124] Wasa.il al-Shiah, vol 14, p 15.
[125] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 248.
[126] Mustadrak, vol 2, p 532.

Careers of women
It is right that earning a family's living is an obligatory deed of the man, and that women are not Islamically (as per Islamic laws) responsible for this act. Women, however, should also have a job. In Islam, idleness is discredited and reproached.
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'The Almighty Allah hates too much sleep and too much rest'."[127]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) also stated: 'Too much sleep wastes and ruins both one's worldly life and the religion (the life in the world Hereafter)'."[128]
"Hadrat Zahra (AS) also used to work at home."[129]
Anyone, in need or not, should have a job. He should not waste his life by not doing anything, but he should work and offer his share in building a better world.
If necessary, one should spend his earnings for his family and himself, but if not needed then he should donate his earnings from work to those who need his help. Idleness is tedious and, more often than not, causes mental and psychological disorders, as well as moral corruption.
The best job for married women is to take care of the house. Housekeeping, childcare, etc are the best and the easiest jobs that women can do.
A talented and hardworking housewife can turn her house into a heavenly place for her children and husband; and this is a valuable and worthwhile job.
"The Prophet (SA) stated: 'A woman's Jihad is when she attends to her husband (and takes care of him well)'."[130]
"Umm-e-Salamah asked the Prophet (SA): 'How much reward is there for a woman's housework?' The Prophet (SA) replied: 'Any woman who, in the way of improving the order of the house, takes something from somewhere and places it somewhere else, would enjoy the grace of Allah, and whoever attracts the blessings of Allah, would not be tormented by Allah's anger'. Umm-e-Salamah said: 'O Rasul-Allah (Messenger (SA) of Allah)! May my parents be sacrificed for you, please state other rewards for women'. The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'When a woman becomes pregnant, Allah rewards her as much as He would to someone who goes for Jihad (holy war) with all his wealth and life. Then when she delivers her baby, a call would reach her stating 'all your sins are forgiven; start a new life again.' Each time she feeds her baby with her milk, Allah gives her reward equal to that of freeing a slave for each feeding'." [131]
Housewives, even not busy with their housework, should find something to do. They can read books, conduct research on something useful, and add to their knowledge and skills. They can write articles, and even books. They can engage in drawing, painting, tailoring, knitting, sewing, and so forth. As a result they can help their families economically as well as contributing to their society by making their achievements available to the public. Working prevents the development of many mental disorders.
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: ' Allah likes a pious person who is honestly engaged in doing a job'." [132]
While some women work at home, there are others who prefer an outside job. This preference may be either for economical or other reasons. In this case, the best jobs are cultural occupations or nursing. Nurseries, primary and high schools are suitable places for women to train and teach female students. Hospitals are also suitable places where women can serve as nurses and doctors. Such jobs are agreeable to the female nature; and also, there would rarely, if at all, be the need for them to mix with or come across the men who are not mahram (near relatives with whom marriage is prohibited).
The following are recommendations to those ladies who intend to or who are working outside their homes.
Consult your husband before taking up a job. It is your husband's right to grant or refuse you permission to work. Starting to work without your husband's permission will be detrimental to the serenity and loving atmosphere of your family.
Men are also advised not to be adamantly negative with regard to their wives' working outside the house, unless the job concerned is considered unsuitable for them.
(b) Ladies should observe proper Islamic Hijab (veil) when not at home. They should go to work without any make up, and with plain clothes. They must avoid mixing with men who are not mahram as much as possible.
An office is a place to work in and is not for the purpose of showing off, or for rivalry. Prestige and dignity does not come with what you wear, but what you do, and how well you do it. Be and act as a dignified Muslim woman. Maintain your self-respect, and do not hurt your husband's feelings; save your adornments and your beautiful dresses for him at home.
(c) Ladies should be aware that although they are working outside the house, they are still expected by their husbands and children to attend to such activities as housekeeping, cooking, washing, and so forth. This can be done by cooperation within the family. An outside job should not pave the way for upsetting the whole family. Men are also advised to help their wives with regard to housekeeping. Husbands should not expect their wives to work both outside and inside the house on their own. Such an expectation is neither lawful nor fair. Men and women should share the housework.
(d) If a woman, who working outside, has a child, then she should leave the child in a nursery or with someone trusted and kind. It is neither right nor wise to leave children at home on their own, since many children become fearful or helpless when they have to confront dangerous situations.
(e) If a woman feels that, in addition to the above works and responsibilities, she should under take another job, then she should definitely come to an understanding with her husband and take up a job with his permission and under his advice. If the husband does not agree, she should forget about this job. If the husband agrees for the wife's undertaking a job, she must try to select a job in which she comes in contact with minimum number of strange men. This is in the interest of both herself and the society. In any case, while outside her home, she must certainly observe Islamic Hijab and see that she remains simple and without any make-up.
REFERENCES
[127] Usul al-Kafi, vol 5, p 84.
[128] Ibid.
[129] Ibid, p 86.
[130] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 247.
[131] Ibid, p 251.
[132] Usul al-Kafi, vol 5, p 113.

Do not Waste your Spare Time
The housework comprises of a great deal of work. If a housewife intends to carry out her job perfectly, she would not have enough time to do anything else. This is especially true if she has to take care of a few children as well. But most housewives do find some spare time.
Everyone spends his spare time in one way or another . Some women waste their time. They might just walk in the streets or find another woman to talk to. Most of the time their few hours of talking are not worth a penny. They would listen to repeated words which only prove to be time wasting and nerve breaking. Such idle chatting always results in one's moral degradation. The women who go through life in this way, are surely losers in this world and the next. How surprising it is that if anyone should lose some money, he would become very upset, but people do not give a thought about losing their precious moments of life.
A wise person would make the most out of his precious hours of life. What valuable achievements one can have!
Idleness is very harmful and is a cause of many mental disorders and anxieties. An idle person keeps thinking and finds ways of feeling sad. He would experience many types of worries after which his mind would become confused. A happy person is one who is busy doing something. An unlucky person is one who has excess idle time enough to think of the ups and downs of his life. Being busy is enjoyable, and idleness is a source of depression.
Is it not a pity that one should waste his precious life or spend some of its moments without getting anything in return?
Dear madam! you can make the most out of your spare minutes or hours. You can do scientific tasks. You can buy the related books and with the help of your husband, increase your knowledge. Any course is possible; physics, chemistry, Qur'an, philosophy, history, geography, literature, psychology, etc. You would enjoy it and perhaps you could one day contribute to your society through your knowledge. You can write articles or even books after which your name will remain. You can earn money too.
Do not think that this is too ambitious for a housewife. Do not imagine that all the great women of history have been sitting idle. They, too, were housewives but the ones who did not waste their spare time.
Mrs Dorothy Carnegie was a housewife who wrote a good book. She used to do the housework and also helped her husband (Dale Carnegie) in writing his famous book "How to Make Friends and Influence People". She writes in her book concerning principles of looking after the husband: "I have written this book during my child's two-hour sleep. I did a lot of my reading during the time my hair were getting dried in the hairdressing saloon."
There are many women who have been writing great books or have had many achievements in scientific fields.
If you are an enthusiastic person, you could be one of them.
If your husband is a researcher, then help him in his field. Is it not a pity for an educated woman to give up all her knowledge?
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'There is not any better treasure other than knowledge'."[133]
"Imam Baqir (AS) stated: 'Whoever spends his day and night in seeking knowledge, would surely be enjoined by the blessings of Allah'."[134]
If you are not interested in reading or research then keep yourself busy with handicraft or artistic hobbies such as dress making, painting, knitting, flower decorations, etc.
You can learn such arts and practise them. These skills may help you mentally and financially. Islam has also proposed handicraft to women in their spare time. The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: "Spinning (and weaving) is a good pastime for women."[135]
REFERENCES
[133] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 1 p 165.
[134] Ibid, p 174.
[135] Ibid, vol 103, p 258.

Motherhood (Caring for Children)
One of the important duties of women is caring for their children. This is not an easy task but one which is very sensitive and vital. It is the most sacred and most valuable responsibility which has been bestowed upon women by the order of creation. There are a few points which are briefly mentioned here with regard to this matter:
(1) Fruit of Marriage
Although a man and a woman get married for a few reasons such as sexual motive, love, etc, having a child is not one of the main reasons for marriage.
But it is not long before the true motive of natural creation becomes apparent itself and the love for having a child grows in their hearts. The existence of a child is the fruit of the marital tree and a natural desire of men and women. A marriage without a child is like a fruitless tree. A child would strengthen the bonds of love between a couple. It serves as a drive to the man's working life and encourages the parents to care for their family.
Marriage is sometimes initially founded on the basis of lust, love making and instantaneous sexual interests. Such a foundation is false and not lasting and is always prone to destruction. The factor with which this foundation becomes strong, is haying a child.
Lust and sexual drive soon subside. The only memory from days and nights of sexual desire would be the children, whose existence would be heart warming to the parents.
"Imam Sajjad (AS) stated: 'One's happiness is in haying pious children from whom one can seek help'."[136]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'A pious child is a sweet-smelling plant from among the plants of Paradise'."[137]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: ' Add to the numbers of your children, because I, on the Day of Judgment, will feel honored about the greatness of your numbers over the other Ummahs'."[138]
How ignorant are those who, with various excuses, refuse to have children, and thus fight the principle of creation!
(2) Educating a Child
The most sensitive responsibility of a mother is her duty to educate and train her children. Although both the parents should share this responsibility, it weighs more heavily on the shoulders of mothers.
This is because a mother is able to constantly protect and monitor her child. If mothers, through a correct program try to bring up their children, then a whole nation and even the world would undergo revolutionary changes.
Thus the progress or deterioration of a society is in the hands of women.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The Paradise is under the feet of mothers'."[139]
Small children of today are the men and women of tomorrow. Whatever lessons they learn now, they will practice in future societies. If families improve, the society will progress, because societies are no more than a collection of families. Tomorrow's world will suffer with today's bad- tempered, stubborn, ignorant, cowardly, materialistic, nasty, careless, selfish and cruel children.
On the contrary, tomorrow's world will benefit from today's children who are honest, well mannered, generous, brave, just, trustworthy, etc.
Therefore, parents in general and mothers in particular are responsible towards their societies. They can serve their society by bringing up pious children. On the other hand, carelessness about their responsibility will be questioned on
the Day of Judgment.
"Imam Sajjad (AS) stated: 'The right of your child is that you should know he is from you. Be it good or bad he is related to you. You are responsible for his upbringing, education and showing him the path to Allah and helping him to be obedient. You should treat him in such a way that if you behave well towards him, you will be sure of being rewarded and if you behave badly towards him, you will be sure of receiving punishment'."[140]
Of course not all mothers are aware of the necessary skills of training a child and that is why they should set about learning them.
It is not within the scope of this book to present you with a detailed discussion on caring for one's child. Fortunately, there are many books, which have been written on this subject by learned writers and scholars. Women can buy these books and with the help of their own experience, they can educate their children and even become specialists in the field of child-rearing. She can then become helpful to other mothers for their duties regarding their children.
Here one point should be mentioned. Many people make mistake about the two phrases of 'education' and 'training', or think of them as having the same meaning. But one should know that teaching a child different subjects such as appropriate stories, poems, Qur'an, traditions of the Prophet (SA), and the Imams (AS) does not educate them. Such subjects are useful but a child should not only learn about honest persons, but he should be honest himself.
Thus, we must create such an atmosphere and living environment that the child would naturally become an honest and pious person. If a child grows up in an environment of honesty, truthful- ness, bravery, discipline, cleanliness, kindness, love, freedom, justice, patience, trustworthiness, faithfulness, and sacrifice, then he learns all of that. On the other hand, a child who grows up in a place of corruption, deception, anger, hate, hypocrisy, filth, and disloyalty, would inevitably be affected by them. Such a child may learn many stories about good and pious people, but to no avail. Dishonest parents cannot, by teaching Qur'an and Hadith, bring up honest children. Dirty mother and father actually teach their child to be dirty. A child pays more attention to his parent's deeds and not so much to their words.
Therefore, those of us who are seriously thinking of bringing up honest and good children, should correct their own behaviour first. This is the only way to educate a child to be useful to himself and his society.
REFERENCES
[136] Wasa’il al-Shi'ah, vol 15, p 96.
[137] Ibid, p 97.
[138] Ibid, p 96.
[139] Majm'a al-Zawa’id, vol 8, p 138.
[140] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 74, p 6.

Nutrition and Hygiene
Another important duty of a housewife is feeding her child(ren). Health or illness, beauty or ugliness, even good or bad temperedness, and cleverness of children are all related to the way they are fed.
Children have a different feeding pattern as compared with that of adults. They have different requirements at different ages and therefore mothers have to take this point into consideration when feeding their children.
"The best and the most nourishing food is milk. Milk contains all that is required for a healthy body. Thus for a baby there is nothing more suitable than the mother's milk. Since milk contains ingredients which are suitable for the baby's digestive system, therefore, there are not any problems in feeding a baby with mother's milk. Besides one does not need to boil it, pasteurize it, or sterilize it. One also need not to worry about its genuineness.
"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'There is no better and more copious food than mother's milk for a baby'."[141]
"Dr A. H. Taba, the former Head of the Eastern Mediterranean Region of the World Health Organization said: 'One of the important factors, which makes a child susceptible to many illnesses is by depriving him or her of mother's milk which is the only life insurance of any person'."[142]
Thus, mothers who feed their babies with their own milk must remember that all the necessary nutrition for their babies are contained within that milk.
But a nutritive milk is only possible if the mother is fed well, that is, the quality of her milk is related to the quality and quantity of her own food. The better her food, the better her milk would be. Mothers who feed their babies with their own milk can, through carelessness about their food, damage their own health as well as of their babies.
The fathers of small babies are also responsible to supply their wives with sufficient good quality food. Malnutrition is a serious problem for many people and one should not overlook it or else she must be prepared to pay for the treatment of illnesses caused by it.
You can obtain enough information on this subject from your doctor or related books. But as a general rule a nursing mother should consume all types of food from meat, fruit, dairy products. to vegetables.
The important fact is that the mother's milk affects the baby's character and that is why "Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Do not choose foolish women to feed (your children) with their milk, because the milk makes their base qualities penetrated into the child'."[143]
"Imam Baqir (AS) stated: 'Choose noble women to feed (your children) with their milk, because the base qualities of milk are passed from the feeding woman to the child'."[144]
You must feed your baby at definite intervals. Your child gets used to this regularity and helps him in being patient. It also helps him with regard to a healthy digestive system and stomach. On the other hand, if you feed the baby whenever he cries, then he will not learn to be disciplined. If he gets what he wants through crying, then he will pick up this attitude and use it even when he becomes an adult. He will not have the necessary patience when confronting hardships. He will either use force to achieve his own wishes or he will break down under difficulties.
Do not think that to discipline a child is an impossible task. You must just be patient and have a suitable program for training him according to your standards. The child nutritive experts say that a baby must be fed with milk once every three to four hours.
Hold your child in your arms while feeding. By embracing the child feels your love and it would even affect his/her future personality. Do not feed the baby while lying down, because it has been seen that some mothers have fallen asleep while feeding their babies and as a result some babies have suffocated because their mother's breasts prevented them breathing.
If you do not have any milk yourself, you can use cow's milk. But since cow's milk is much denser than mother's milk, you must add some water to it. You can also use pasteurized milk, which you should boil for twenty minutes or until it becomes safe for babies' consumption.
Do not feed the baby with hot or cold milk, but at the same temperature as the mother's milk.
After every feeding, you should boil the bottle and its nipple, and extra car must be taken during the hot seasons. Be careful not to use leftover or sour milk. It is better to measure the amount of milk for every feeding in order to make sure that your child is not getting too much or too little. In using powdered milk, you should consult a pediatrician. You must always use fresh powdered milk.
After the fourth month of the baby's birth you can start to feed him with fruit juice. From the age of six months, you can also start to feed him with solid foods and soups. You can feed him biscuits or sweet bread. Yogurt and cheese are also useful. You can gradually feed him with slight amounts of your own food.
Remember that your baby feels thirsty just as often as you do. Therefore, feed him with water as well, but do not try to make him drink tea or coffee. Fruits, vegetables, and soups are especially useful for growing infants.
Do not forget to be hygienic with regard to your baby's bedding, clothing, and nappies. Wash his face and hands often. Bathe him regularly, because infants are very susceptible towards dirt and germs and become ill easily.
You must vaccinate your children against such diseases as smallpox, chickenpox, whooping cough, infantile paralysis, scarlet fever, measles, and diphtheria. Vaccines are fortunately readily available in medical and health centers.
You can have healthy children by observing these codes of hygiene and cleanliness.
REFERENCES
[141] Wasa’il al-Shi'ah, vol 15, p 175.
[142] Ittela’at, 15th Farvardin, 1353 Solar Hijri.
[143] Wasa’il al-Shi'ah, vol 15, p 188.
[144] Ibid, p 189.