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Acquiring Good Moral Traits

By: Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani

What do you have to say about modern girls being more sexually aggressive even outside of marriage?
Question: We have heard before that boys molested girls in the streets and via the telephone, but nowadays we see the opposite.
My only son, whom I wish to study at the university and graduate with a high degree, is chased by the ringer of the telephone, which rings five, six, or seven times every day even at the times of rest, though the caller (girl) neither speaks nor does she refrain even after all my abuses. I asked my son if he had a relation with some girl and he denied it. I am sure he was truthful. We agreed that he would pick up the telephone and attract her so that we might know who she was. The telephone rang and my son lifted the telephone. I came near him to hear. She said softly, ‘I have admired you and my life is like hell without you. I only want your love. Do you appreciate love?’
My son, whose face reddened and whose voice hesitated, said to her, ‘Alright! But, how can I see you? What is your name and address?’
When she felt assured, she introduced herself. She was the daughter of our neighbor, with whom we had no relation at all.I am astonished at fathers and mothers that they do not watch their children. Where have shyness and abstinence gone? Where are religion and protectiveness? Is this the value of a Muslim girl? Please, tell me, is there no conscience bearing purity and dignity?
The answer: In this question, there is a complete answer for him who has a heart or lends his ear with full intelligence.
Yes! The problem set forth in this painful question reveals the educational looseness and religious weakness. The crisis is knocking at the doors, if it has not already entered some houses!
I know many who suffer from these bad things that have come to us via foreign movies. Bitterer than this are some Arabic movies that have played a great corruptive role since the fifties. The satellite TV stations in our countries are still showing these movies whereas their actors are being burnt in the fire of Hell.
Alas! A Muslim country, Muslim artists, and great monies from the treasury of the Muslims are spent in disobeying Allah and taking Islam away from the life of the Muslims for generations after generations!
The curse of Allah be on the first one who has established the basis of injustice, corruption, and deviation among the Muslims and on the last one of his followers!
Those fathers who are careless as to the honor of their daughters are often victims of those misleading films and media. Then, what do you expect their daughters to be?
As for the cure of this problem, I think it lies in talking with the family of the girl to marry her early, because when a ripe apple is not picked, it will decay and fall to the ground, and then it is trodden on or is eaten by animals. So is a (lover) girl. She should be married; otherwise, she will be like the fallen apple.
This is not understood by most parents in this bad age. The reason is that they have driven religion away from their lives.
Dear sister, as for your son, you have to speak to him frankly. If he can continue his studies without thinking of the other sex, this is better for him, but if he suffers from the pressure of incitements, he would be better off getting married to devote himself to his study; otherwise, he will neither succeed in his study nor will he be in a good psychological and physical health.
Yes! It is somehow difficult to compromise between study and the requirements of marriage, but this will be easy with a strong will, a will of the men who defeat difficulties and conduct their marriages contentedly with simple procedures and avoid high and expensive costs.
Let the reasonable one put the advantages of this kind of marriage in a scale, and the disadvantages of the pressing lust in another scale, and then follow what his reason and religion guide him to.

How can modern young women acquire and maintain good moral traits?
Question: I am a young woman from a religious family and all my interests are religious, thanks be to Allah! I have a friend in school who often sits with me, but she is not religious. All the time, she is interested in news of singers, athletes, issues of teenagers, molestations, and exchanging letters with young men, though she is still too young. She is sixteen years old. Would you please warn the youth, fathers, and mothers with the necessary Islamic advices? Many thanks for your interest in guiding us to what will make us happy in this life and the afterlife.
The answer: Thank you very much O daughter of faith and abstinence! Your feelings to save your friend and your care for your religion show your true upbringing. I hope that you continue on this path until you arrive at the eternal bliss.
The problem you have mentioned is a fact from the bitter reality that fathers and mothers try to ignore, thinking that they can cover the behaviors of those teenage girls. I think that indifference towards such girls encourages them to continue in corruption and covering up this concern is stupidity because such girls are exposed before others and scandal moves from mouth to mouth.
Let me say frankly that the problem firstly belongs to fathers and mothers, for they, in bringing up their children away from religion and love, have thrown the children into the way of corruption, and then when the tragedy takes place, they hurry to look for solutions but they will not find any even if they shed tears of sorrow and regret.
If only those fathers and mothers, who have turned their backs on religion and slept on the pillow of irresponsibility and have failed to satisfy their children with love and sympathy, would read the sayings of even Western scholars.
Dr. Raymond Page says, ‘The first picture a child draws in his mind about Allah comes out of his relation with his parents. Also, the first concept that comes to his mind about obedience, forgiveness, and straightforwardness is connected strongly with the behavior of his family…parents may not have a suitable opportunity to educate their child and develop his thinking, so they have to introduce Allah to their children in the best way with strong determination, will, and watchfulness. In this concern, they can depend on two good sources: religion and nature.[63]’
Dear daughter, as for your situation towards your deviant friend: First, deal with her as if she is sick, and she really is sick but she does not know. A sick one needs care, and you, with your faith, morals, and patience, can offer her religious advice and talk to her with the language of nature and conscience. You should tell her that the purpose of her existence is to arrive at the pleasures of Paradise. Islam does not prohibit the pleasures of this life provided that they are obtained lawfully.
Second, if she can get married, you can arrange the procedures of this by consulting with other religious women who understand such matters.
Third, when advising and warning her, depend on the frightening aspects of Islamic teachings – I mean what concerns death: the pressing of grave, its loneliness, and darkness for those who disobey Allah. It is mentioned in traditions that “he, who fears Fire, avoids unlawful things”. Tell her that Allah the Almighty will stand man in the difficulties and horrors of the Day of Resurrection to punish him for all his doings. Allah says in the Holy Qur'an, (Surely, the hearing, the sight, and the heart, all of these, shall be questioned about that)[64].
There are many stories that affect one’s conscience that you can use to guide her to the right path and surely you will be rewarded by Allah.
Stories of accidents in our present time show that most of those who die are unsuspecting youths. Death is a sudden visitor and defeating comer. Isn’t it?
Finally, if she does not listen to you and you find that she may influence you or do wrong to your good reputation, you have to cut your relation with her bravely and without any kind of courtesy for “a strong believer is better than a weak believer,” as the Prophet (S) has said.
[63] The secret of Success in your Personality, p.243.
[64] Holy Qur’an, 17:36.

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